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Vladimir Putin Declares National Day of Mourning for Space Geckos

Moscow—Early Monday morning, Russian technicians opened the hatch on the newly-landed Foton M-4 satellite only to find that its cargo had suffered a temperature control failure while in orbit. Several dozen fruit flies appeared unharmed, but the five celebrated geckos involved in an experiment on sex and reproduction in zero gravity appeared to have frozen to death. Russian communities the world over saw an outpouring of grief for the reptilian cosmonauts, and official responses were swift.

Elderly War Criminal Conflicted About Outcome of World Cup Final

Klaus Schicklgruber, 103, of Corrientes, Argentina reportedly felt deeply ambivalent at the news of Germany’s 1-0 victory over Argentina in the 2014 World Cup final yesterday.  

Americans Unsuccessfully Try to Refrain from World Cup Nazi Jokes

Despite promises to refrain, across multiple social media platforms, Americans following the World Cup are finding it difficult not to reference either Nazism or World War II when commenting on Germany's ferocious playing.

Qatari Officials Shop for New Soccer Team in Brazil

As part of its campaign to improve its image since the emergence of corruption allegations around the 2022 World Cup, Qatar, currently ranked 100th, is seeking to create a football team that would actually be capable of qualifying for the tournament.

“Lost Plane” Posters Yield No Results

On March 7, the world and all of us at Satire V were devastated by the information that the Kuala Lumpur International Airport (KLIA) lost a Boeing 777 after letting it out of the hangar for its morning run. The 777, named MH370 by its owner, was last spotted leaving the hangar and heading out to the tarmac. At this time, KLIA lost sight of MH370. Any attempts to call MH370 back were fruitless.

NATO Suspends Cooperation with the Russian Government

April 1, 2014

RUSSIA - In response to the continuing reports of Russian troops on the Ukrainian border, NATO has determined that it will suspend “all practical civilian and military cooperation” with Moscow.  The move comes after extended tension between the government of President Vladimir Putin and the West, which has come to a height after Russia’s annexation of the Crimean peninsula in March.  Tensions between Ukrainians and ethnic Russians in the peninsula had been high after the ouster of pro-Russian President Viktor Yanukovych.

Poland: “It’s my time to shine”

The big day is finally here. Poland, who could hardly sleep last night from excitement, woke up early this morning, made itself its own breakfast of Cheerios (though adding banana proved too complicated) and was dressed and ready well before the bus was set to arrive. The occasion? The first stages of a Crimean conflict of course.

“This time I’m going to make the EU so proud of me,” boasted a gleaming Poland as it double-knotted its shoes and made sure to put on extra sunscreen. “It’s my time to shine.”

Extreme Outdoor Inuit Tribe Secures Sponsor for 5,038th Season

Northeast Greenland –-- As the Oodaq tribe prepares for another year of existence, the corporate world takes notice.
 

Israeli Government Shuts Down 'Revenge Prawn' Website

Taking a cue from US action against 'revenge porn' websites, which allow people to post explicit pictures of their former partners without their permission, the Israeli government shut down a notorious 'revenge prawn' website, www.shellfishbitch.com
 

Pakistan to Sell Nuclear Weapons on Craigslist

Experts have alleged that the photographs have been doctored to make the warheads look bigger.

Recent allegations leveled at Pakistan of allowing Saudi Arabia to ‘rent’ its nuclear weapons have been revealed as a part of a wider Pakistani plan to leverage its weaponry in order to raise revenues for its cash-strapped government.

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