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Apocalypse Ensues After Area Man Wears Polyester At Red Lobster On A Saturday

In what theologians have described as “the triple crown of sin,” Woburn resident Donald Keegan’s decision to wear a garment of mixed fibers while eating shellfish on the Sabbath has led to the breaking of the seven seals, the sounding of seven trumpets, and the raining of flames down from the heavens in a series of events that will almost certainly lead to the cancellation of this week’s Patriots game, as well as the destruction of mankind.

Israeli Government Shuts Down 'Revenge Prawn' Website

Taking a cue from US action against 'revenge porn' websites, which allow people to post explicit pictures of their former partners without their permission, the Israeli government shut down a notorious 'revenge prawn' website, www.shellfishbitch.com
 

Pakistan to Sell Nuclear Weapons on Craigslist

Experts have alleged that the photographs have been doctored to make the warheads look bigger.

Recent allegations leveled at Pakistan of allowing Saudi Arabia to ‘rent’ its nuclear weapons have been revealed as a part of a wider Pakistani plan to leverage its weaponry in order to raise revenues for its cash-strapped government.

In India, Women Finally Afforded Same Social Status as Cows

After incidents of harassment, brutal sexual assault and victim-blaming left Indians worrying about the status and safety of women in their country, there now appears to be a glimmer of hope on the horizon.

Iranian Supreme Leader’s Personal Assistant Forgets to Rig Elections

Documents recently leaked from the upper echelons of the Iranian government reveal that the personal assistant to Supreme Leader Ayatollah Khamenei had forgotten to rig the presidential elections that took place in June this year, enabling the relative political moderate Hassan Rouhani to win without even the need for a runoff.

Obama Elected President of Kenya

Voting fraud struggles continued in Kenya this week as polls indicated that Barack Obama won the nation’s recent presidential election. Current Prime Minister Raila Odinga accused the Kenyan Birther Movement (KBM) of rigging the voter tallying process, which has had a history of fraud since the last election in 2007.