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Obama Elected President of Kenya

Voting fraud struggles continued in Kenya this week as polls indicated that Barack Obama won the nation’s recent presidential election. Current Prime Minister Raila Odinga accused the Kenyan Birther Movement (KBM) of rigging the voter tallying process, which has had a history of fraud since the last election in 2007. The KBM takes its name from a similar American group, claiming Obama was in fact born in Kenya. However, unlike the American group, the Kenyans are arguing his birth makes Obama an eligible President.

“Obama is the leader the country needs right now,” said leader of the Kenyan birthers Abasi Wangai. “We have good evidence that he was born here—we saw Bill O’ Reilly.” Many American birthers support the Kenyan movement, calling it the new “Back to Africa” the country needs. They also say that it fits in well with American’s tradition of sending gifts to Africa that have become too old or ineffective.

But there is still controversy: “He’s already the leader of two countries. How many more does he have to take?” said John Smitter, a tea party leader who is known for his comparisons of Obama to Hitler. “Kenya is effectively Obama’s Poland. A warmer, less depressing Poland.”

As of press time, Obama was handling something silly called the “debt crisis.” He was not available for comment.

In other related news, Vice President Joe Biden was elected the city mayor of Toontown at Disneyland.

“This is a big fucking deal,” said Biden. “Think of all the cotton candy.”

© 2013