Franklin Scheub, a grizzled old man well-known throughout the environs of Harvard Square, reminisced as the Class of 2017 moved into their dorms and oriented themselves with college life.

“Oh, the memories I have,” said the senior, his beady black eyes peering out from his wrinkled visage and bushy white eyebrows as he raised a mug of black Au Bon Pain coffee with his trembling hands.  “So many things.  And this year, I remember all of it.”

Natalie Alvarrez, a senior in Currier house has finally responded to your email after "not seeing it." "I literally just saw this email from you and I would love to grab dinner with you some time!" said the short response from Alvarrez, senior in Currier House.  Sources near to Alvarrez confirm that she definitely did not put a star next to your message when it arrived in her inbox 14 hours ago.

LAGOS, NIGERIA -- Oluwafemi Oleowo '14 heads back to campus today after a harrowing 6 day period of being stranded in his home country. Oleowo, [pronounced o-lay-o-woah] the prince of a small municipality in southern Nigeria, decided to take a last minute trip to his kingdom to catch up on the state of affairs, meet with government officials, and most of all get some well deserved R&R.

CAMBRIDGE, MA- A new student group organized by the Phillips Brooks House Association has just been formed with the goal of teaching every Harvard undergraduate how to dribble a basketball.

CAMBRIDGE, MA-- After receiving over thirty comments on its editorial calling for Dean Hammonds’ resignation, a power-mad Editorial Board has decided that Secretary of Transportation Ray LaHood is no longer fit for his job. 

According to a leaked source, the editorial, which will appear in tomorrow’s paper, condemns LaHood for his management of the construction on JFK St. last year, and his refusal to give a straight answer about whether the T is going to ever run after 2am.

1. Tyler Perry’s House of Payne

2. Waffle House

3. House Lannister

4. House of Cards

5. House Un-American Activites Committee

6. Swedish House Mafia

7. Ronald McDonald House

8.  Little House on the Prairie

9. House arrest

10. National Lampoon's Animal House

11. Cabot House

12. "House of the Rising Sun"

CAMBRIDGE, MA-- The government of Israel yesterday demolished the freshman dormitory Wigglesworth, three days after eviction notices appeared on the doors of various suites within the building. Sources within the Israeli government suggest that there are plans to build a new settlement on the site, replete with solar panels, underground shopping centres, and an adult entertainment facility they plan to call Gaza Striptease.