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Another Eccentric White Man Initiated into the Lampoon

CAMBRIDGE, MA — Yet another eccentric white man was initiated into the Harvard Lampoon this weekend, bringing the total number of brooding, fair-skinned males in the humor publication to Too Fucking Many.

Warning: Do Not Comp

A Guest Editorial by The Crimson Staff

If you think The Crimson’s editorial staff are bad at their jobs, don’t come to our meetings. If you think our article quality has gone downhill lately, don’t write for us. Most importantly, if you think our policy of separate bathrooms for white and non-white staffers is wrong, don’t comp.

Harvard Girls Enjoy Dating Comp

 Senior Jessica Morrissey of Kirkland House has many shining extracurriculars on her resume. She’s an editor of the Crimson and volunteers every weekend in Boston public schools. Still though, she says this year she plans to extend her activities into a new dimension--dating life.

“I think employers really want to see that you’re well rounded. That’s the real reason I’m planning to join a relationship this year. They want to know if you can show affection and possibly sexual desire for another human,” said Morrissey.