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Progressive Heroes: Lampoon Continues to Benefit from Old Boys' Network, but They’re Kinda Sad About It

A picture of the Harvard Lampoon castle

CAMBRIDGE, MASS.— In the wake of #MeToo and #TimesUp, the progressive movement has more heroes in its ranks. The Harvard Lampoon continues to benefit from an old boys' network that shovels its writers into the professional comedy world, but current Lampoon members admit they’re kinda sad about it.

Wow, what a courageous stance!

Another Eccentric White Man Initiated into the Lampoon

CAMBRIDGE, MA — Yet another eccentric white man was initiated into the Harvard Lampoon this weekend, bringing the total number of brooding, fair-skinned males in the humor publication to Too Fucking Many.

Lampoon Writers Excited for Annual Campus Relevance

The Lampoon "Castle"

CAMBRIDGE, MA — Writers on the staff of the Harvard Lampoon, a local group of mostly sullen white men, expressed excitement Tuesday as they basked in the glow of their annual instance of campus relevance.

"Ordinarily, only weird high schoolers and our families read what we write," said Lampoon President Mark V. Steinbach '17, taking time away from participating in the organized harassment of aspiring writers to speak to reporters. "But when we publish our yearly Crimson parody, woo boy! That's a rush!"

Accidentally Deleted ‘B’ Leads to Dozens of Freshmen Comping Sheep Erotica Distributor

Cambridge, MA--- In Harvard’s biggest scandal since the editor of Simplicissimus referred to the Slavic Studies Department as “treacherous, communistic untermenschen,” a traumatized horde of freshmen, predominantly composed of skinny white guys wearing ironic t-shirts, was seen wandering around Harvard Square Sunday morning, shaking their heads and occasionally moaning, “Oh God, I thought only cows had udders,” after each of them had accidentally attempted to join the staff of The Harvard Lamb Poon, a student-run production company that has brought comfort to thousands of lonely rams and yo