Five of our most "in" Insider™ experts offer their collective insights on this season's most interesting award races.

Most Valuable Player

Russell Westbrook

- Paced the league in cupcake references (1.2) per 36 minutes. Personally ensured that 20% of team didn't touch the ball all season.

James Harden

Kansas vs. Purdue

Purdue and Kansas are both ranked top 10 in the country in shooting percentage and worst states to go to college in.

Oregon vs. Michigan

In the wake of the scouting report scandal surrounding the Harvard Men's soccer and cross-country teams, Satire V has obtained yet another scouting report, this time from the men's basketball team. We have reproduced an except below:

By Ted Cruz

My fellow Americans,

Recently, I referred to the basketballs hoop as the “basketball ring,” a careless gaffe. Now, don’t go thinking I don’t know a thing or two about the fine American sport of basketballs. I have been playing the basketballs since I was a little boy, and have supported my municipal and/or state sports team for as long as I can remember.

Dear Members of the Harvard Community,

Since the beginning of the month, we have confirmed seven-hundred-fifty-nine cases of March madness in the Harvard community. Harvard University Health Services (HUHS) has been working closely with the Cambridge Public Health Department and the Massachusetts Department of Public Health to track and evaluate the scope of the March madness exposure in the Harvard community.

Indianapolis, IN--It’s that special time of year again, when you squeeze into last summer’s shorts, go to JP Licks for something other than hot cocoa, and feign interest in sports for the ten minutes it takes to put together a bracket for March Madness. But wait—the only sporting event you watched in its entirety in the past year was Harvard-Yale football. And you were blackout drunk for that. What are you gonna do?

CAMBRIDGE, MA- A new student group organized by the Phillips Brooks House Association has just been formed with the goal of teaching every Harvard undergraduate how to dribble a basketball.