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Emboldened by Success, Crimson Calls for Secretary of Transportation to Resign

LaHood, being inexcusable.

CAMBRIDGE, MA-- After receiving over thirty comments on its editorial calling for Dean Hammonds’ resignation, a power-mad Editorial Board has decided that Secretary of Transportation Ray LaHood is no longer fit for his job. 

According to a leaked source, the editorial, which will appear in tomorrow’s paper, condemns LaHood for his management of the construction on JFK St. last year, and his refusal to give a straight answer about whether the T is going to ever run after 2am.

“As members of the most informed and influential cadre of Harvard’s illustrious yet often depraved student body,” the editorial will begin, “we feel that it is our duty to stridently demand and, in doing so, effect the immediate resignation of Raymond LaHood for his inexcusable breaches of the trust of the city of Cambridge—and of us all.”

The rest of the article, which will not be read, will cover LaHood’s “many transgressions,” which include job cuts, shoddy repair work, and rejecting a comper’s application for a summer internship with a polite email. 

“We’ve realized that we just cannot let public figures get away with stunts like this,” said an anonymous member of the Ed Board. “Dean Hammonds had to go, and we were the only ones brave enough to say it. And now LaHood is up to these hijinks. We cannot let our power go to waste.”

The Crimson’s commenters are already getting excited for the attack on LaHood, which will most likely be called “ill thought-out,” “a sanctimonious and unnecessary display,” and “awesome. so cool to see student’s standing up for they’re rights.”

If the article gets picked up by “at least the HuffPo,” the Editorial Board has stated that it will feel affirmed enough to move onto its next target, the entire Department of the Interior, which has become “too dam-focused” in recent years.   

© 2013