SatireV

Breaking

and entering

email

Email Will Skirt Around Actual Issue, Indicates Vague Subject Line

Email subject line reads "Incident on Friday"
AN INBOX — The vague subject line of an email sent by a campus administrator indicates that the message will dodge the actual issue at hand—in this case, police brutality against a black undergraduate.
 
"Oh boy, this is going to be a thorough hand-wringing," thought Ryan C. Dennison '20 as he opened a message from President Faust with the subject line "Incident on Friday." Dennison added, "No one in charge is going to take responsibility for anything at all, are they?" as he scrolled through the missive.
 

Natalie Alvarrez Just Saw Your Email

Natalie Alvarrez, a senior in Currier house has finally responded to your email after "not seeing it." "I literally just saw this email from you and I would love to grab dinner with you some time!" said the short response from Alvarrez, senior in Currier House.  Sources near to Alvarrez confirm that she definitely did not put a star next to your message when it arrived in her inbox 14 hours ago.