Following a series of news reports surrounding President Donald Trump’s unfounded accusation that President Barack Obama was wire tapping the then Republican presidential nominee, the ghost of Richard Nixon published the following statement:

WALL STREET — Merely a day after the Snapchat IPO, investors in the popular stock panicked after realizing that all of their shares kept disappearing just ten seconds after their buy orders got filled. 

“Immediately, a little square timer appeared in my E*trade dashboard, and when it hit 0, all of my shares vanished,” area day trader Gillian Tresspie told Satire V. “I screenshotted it before they disappeared, but E*trade support told me it’s not polite to do that.”

ST. LOUIS, MO – At Vice President Mike Pence's recent speech at a vandalized Jewish cemetery, Trump supporters in the crowd were unsure how to react as Pence said something civil.

Scattered cheers and chants were heard from the crowd, but uncomfortable silence predominated when Pence started denouncing anti-Semitism.

WASHINGTON – New Jersey Governor Chris Christie deposited his carefully selected President’s Day gift for Donald Trump on the White House doorstep in the early hours of Monday morning.

“I wanted to be the first to wish him a Happy President’s Day, you know?” admitted a suddenly blushing Christie to a pool of reporters. “I got him a set of golden eating utensils for the White House kitchen. You know how he loves to eat!” said Christie with a chuckle.