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All Female Bowling League Unimpressed by Women’s Strike

CHATTANOOGA, TN – After discovering today’s International Women’s Day strike, members of the local bowling league Spare Change were reportedly unimpressed by the attention the event garnered.
“I don’t get what all of the fuss is about,” said Gladys Kirkman, league secretary and longtime striker. “We do this every Wednesday at 9.”
“It’s the only time that didn’t interfere with roller derby,” league chatterbox Cathy Goldberg threw in.

Administrators to Deny Leadership Positions to Students Who Unionize

CAMBRIDGE, MA—In a precedented move by the administration, Harvard Provost Alan Garber announced that sanctions will be placed on all students who decide to unionize. “Although the student unions are not formally recognized by the College, they play an unmistakable and growing role in student life, in many cases enacting forms of privilege and exclusion at odds with our deepest values,” Garber announced. “This country was built on free enterprise, and the dangerous precedent set by the recent HUDS strike has given some students the wrong idea about the rights they have.” 


Local 26 Possible Strike and Impact on College Dining

Dear Harvard College Students,

I write to you this afternoon with an update about dining on campus in the event that Harvard University Dining Service (HUDS) workers go on strike tomorrow. I know that many of you have mid-term exams in addition to other commitments and are concerned about the impact of a possible strike on your schedules and dining options. We validate and apologize for your struggles, which are definitely comparable to those of the workers striking, who merely face increased costs of living and healthcare in the context of a tumultuous global economy.

Modern Day Workers' Rights Hero Makes Small Talk with HUDS Worker

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- William J. Legrange '18, a self-proclaimed hero of the people, demonstrated his devotion to the cause of workers' rights earlier today when he took time out of his busy schedule of two classes to engage in polite conservation with the "HUDS swipe lady."  The swipe lady in question, Mary Hernandez, has seen Legrange almost every day in Kirkland for the past two years, sometimes twice a day.