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Report: All Your Snapchat Friends Are at Exact Same Beach, Sharing Exact Same Piña Colada

beach
THE DARK JEALOUSY SPIRAL OF SOCIAL MEDIA—Reports surfaced on Friday that all of your Snapchat friends are at the exact same beach sharing the exact same piña colada right now.
 
Even though Jamie told you that she was going to Paris for spring break, and Kevin said that he was heading to Hong Kong, and Bethany said that she was en route to New Orleans, somehow all of them—in addition to literally everybody else that you know—ended up at the same beach using the same geofilter.
 

Snapchat Stock Disappearing From Portfolios After 10 Seconds

WALL STREET — Merely a day after the Snapchat IPO, investors in the popular stock panicked after realizing that all of their shares kept disappearing just ten seconds after their buy orders got filled. 

“Immediately, a little square timer appeared in my E*trade dashboard, and when it hit 0, all of my shares vanished,” area day trader Gillian Tresspie told Satire V. “I screenshotted it before they disappeared, but E*trade support told me it’s not polite to do that.”

I Just Want My Old Life Back

To My Fans,

Thank you for your admiration and support over the past couple of months. I don’t know what I did to deserve such attention and fame, but regardless I thank you all for the love you have shown me on Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat. Whatever those are.

Girls Say Snapchat Improves Self-Esteem

In a recent study conducted by biological social linguistic psychologist Fem I. Nine at the University of Pennsylvania, researchers have found a strong correlation between use of the mobile app “Snapchat” and heightened levels of self-esteem among young women.

Smartphone Users Reporting Snapchat Messages from Bigfoot

“At first, I started getting a lot of pictures and videos of trees from someone I didn’t know.  But then one day, I saw a picture of a big hairy face” said Veronica Slain of Boulder, CO.  She is one of several people who claim to be receiving messages from “Bigfoot” on the popular smartphone app, Snapchat.  Snapchat is an app that allows users to send pictures or short videos that disappear forever after being viewed by other users.