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Harvard

The Smith Campus Center, One Year Later

Cambridge, MA- Almost one year ago, students awoke to a transformed world. The Holyoke Center, the beloved home of everything from university offices to university offices, was renamed the Richard A. and Susan F. Smith Campus Center, beginning an ambitious renovation project to transform the building into a social hub for students. Now, almost a year into the project, students are finally seeing the results of the renovation, and they love it.

FOP Fails to Provide Sexual Awakenings

According to a troubling report released this Monday by Harvard's Freshman Outdoor Program, 84% of students completed this year’s program without experiencing a sexual awakening. Despite their best efforts to have a "wilderness experience," it appears the vast majority of participants have a wholesome, sexless time.

Traveling Harvard Students Excited to Return, Complain About Asian Tourists

CAMBRIDGE, MA - As September quickly approaches, many Harvard students are beginning to return from their summers abroad and eagerly anticipate complaining about Cambridge’s tourists.

“Oh my God, they are everywhere,” nagged Dunster Sophomore Trisha Lott, whose Facebook sports a profile picture of a mid-air jump in front of Madrid’s Palacio Real. “I’m just trying to walk to class without having to slightly divert my path.”

Folklore and Myth Concentrator Excited to Begin Thesis on "The Female Orgasm"

Cambridge, MA- Folklore and Mythology concentrator Vince Willendorf has recently expressed excitement for senior year and beginning of his largest academic project to date.
 
"Folklore and Myth has just taught me so much. It's exciting to apply my learning to the modern myths of our day" said Willendorf. "Like El Chupacabra and the Yeti, the 'Female Orgasm" is a superstition still believed in some areas of the world."
 

Harvard Summer School Proctor Wants to “Hang Out”

               Summer School proctor Tom Stevens, class of 2016, has expressed a desire to “hang out” with other Harvard students living in and around campus this summer. Stevens, who has spent the last two months living in Canaday, indicated this afternoon that he would love to “just chill, you know?” with his peers participating in PRISE, BLISS, and other summer research and work opportunities at Harvard.

High Schooler Founder of Whale Conservation Campaign Attends Ninth Consulting Event

NEW YORK – Harry Talenschmidt who, as a junior in high school, founded and led the popular World Wide Whale project, has just attended his ninth consulting event during his junior year in college.

In Streamlining Bid, Dean Jay Harris Announces Removal of Course Titles from Q Guide

Cambridge, MA—As part of a broader effort to “make the Q a more accurate, sophisticated, and helpful mechanism for learning about and choosing courses,” Dean Jay Harris today announced that course titles would no longer be included in the Q Guide. The announcement was buried in the middle of a longer speech on the impact of Harvard’s yard fertilizer choices on matriculation rates. The decision to change the system was made in September, but the formal announcement had been delayed until the Faculty Council felt it was appropriate.

Non-Sociopaths Still Underrepresented at Harvard

Cambridge, MA- Despite efforts to increase diversity at the college, Harvard’s most recent admissions report suggests that people capable of empathy continue to be underrepresented in the incoming Class of 2017. Although sociopaths make up less than 1% of the U.S population, they accounted for 54% of this years admitted students.

Lowell Sophomore Excited for Graduation of Senior Whose Name He Can’t Remember

Image Credit: http://www.nicolasfradet.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/fake_smile.jpg

Cambridge, MA- As the semester comes to a close, the bitter Massachusetts winter subsides, and students are preoccupied with formals and last chance hook-ups, our Harvard community’s mind turns towards graduation day.

“I am so excited,” said Taylor Johannes ‘16. “That senior who always says hi to me is finally going to be out of here.”

Local Man Attempts to Return Overdue Knife to Library, Gets Arrested

Earlier Wednesday, Harvard University Police Department officers apprehended a shirtless white man who was attempting to return a knife to Lamont Library. A subsequent misunderstanding between HUPD officers and the individual resulted in a brief altercation and arrest.

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