SatireV

Breaking News

Star Wars Episode VII: Force Awakens, Presses Snooze Button
Speaking after the former Patriots tight end was sentenced to life without parole, Leavenworth Penitentiary Warden Claude Maye told sources that he was really looking forward to building a prison yard football team around Hernandez.
Speaking after the former Patriots tight end was sentenced to life without parole, Leavenworth Penitentiary Warden Claude Maye told sources that he was really looking forward to building a prison yard football team around Hernandez.
Workers at the Qdoba reacted with what observers have described as “complete disinterest,” or even “active apathy.”
After years of contentious negotiations, Iran and the United States, along with five other powers, have established a potential framework for the outline of a possible means of splitting the check after they shared a meal at a D.C.-area Olive Garden.

Harvard

“We tried to stop her, but we couldn’t get a good hold on her,” lamented Divest Harvard co-coordinator Talia Rothstein ’17. “She was just too damn slippery.”

Region

“Was this primal gesture of acknowledgement directed towards myself? In which case, I should probably respond equivalently to further this social connection.”

U.S.

Speaking after the former Patriots tight end was sentenced to life without parole, Leavenworth Penitentiary Warden Claude Maye told sources that he was really looking forward to building a prison yard football team around Hernandez.

World

After years of contentious negotiations, Iran and the United States, along with five other powers, have established a potential framework for the outline of a possible means of splitting the check after they shared a meal at a D.C.-area Olive Garden.

Opinion

It’s time to talk about dismantling Harvard. Its existence is premised on exclusivity, which is central to its role in the American social landscape. Being a Harvard student signifies fitting into an elite social circle that rejects subpar classmates. Only abolition of Harvard will show true commitment to inclusion and respect.

Everything Else

These are some of the biggest, thickest, juiciest classified documents around. So classified they might be a little hard for you to handle when you get down to, um, reading them.