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Area Straight Bro Worried That Lingering Handshake Sent the Wrong Message

GAINESVILLE, FL –– At a frat house gathering of Florida’s manliest men, local bro Chad “Papa Bear” Chetsky was horrified that his bro-shake lasted just a moment too long.

Thirty-Four-Day Anniversary Ideas That Will Show Him You're Clingier Than All His Exes

A romantic couple (silhouetted)
  1. Make a cute collage

  2. Take a long walk in the park

  3. Knit matching sweaters

  4. Casually email him houses you're looking at on Zillow

  5. Sign up for a family phone plan

  6. Tell him "Today it's okay, but next week let's start getting in shape for the wedding" when you see him reach for a slice of pie

QUIZ: Are You Exclusive, Or Are You Just Too Lazy to Fuck Anyone Else?

A collection of very romantic hearts
What’s your favorite thing about this person?
 
a) Their intelligence, humor, and affability 
b) Their consistent availability during the 12-4 am timeframe
 
What’s the sweetest thing they’ve ever said to you?
 
a) You make me want to be a better person, and I'm so glad to have you in my life  
b) Can you move your head? My arm is dying. 
 
When do you see each other? 
 
a) Three times a week, usually closer to weekends

Top 5 Reasons Why Your Relationship Isn’t Escalating

As cuffing season approaches, it can be difficult to assess where your relationship stands. If you want any chance at love, make sure to avoid these 5 common pitfalls.

QUIZ: Is He Ghosting You, or Is He Just A Literal Undead Spirit?

ghost man
Guys can be so difficult to figure out sometimes.  I mean, really, do you want to go on another date or do you want to suck out my life force? Will you be my beau, or are you just going to keep shouting “boooo?” Luckily, this quiz is here to help you figure out if that guy you’ve been seeing is ghosting you or if he’s just… an actual ghost.
 
When’s the last time you saw him?
A) Yesterday in the dining hall, and he avoided my eye contact…

Pick A Fabulous Fall Drink And We'll Tell You Your Deepest Darkest Fear!

fall drinks

Are you more of an espresso fellow or a vanilla chai guy? Choose one of these fun, festive fall drinks and we’ll tell you what that says about your innermost insecurities, you vulnerable little coward!

  1. Vanilla Chai Latte

5 Ingredients in Your Late-Night Ramen That are Happier Than You

Instant Ramen

Maybe you’re having an okay week. Maybe your work is all getting done, and you’ve been getting enough sleep. Maybe you’ve been getting 2 (or maybe even 3!) square meals a day. But probably not, given that you’re heating up this mug of Ramen at 2:30 am in the smelly basement kitchen of your dorm.

Can you find happiness in this ramen? Will scarfing down these noodles and broth bring you closer to the nirvana these ingredients have already achieved? Again, probably not. But you might as well try–Brain Break is gross tonight.

QUIZ: What Do Your Choices While Playing “The Sims” Say About Your Morality?

Just like in human life, the realm of Sims is a continuous test of shmalaklo (good) and jibjeeb (bad) choices. Sure, you can guide your character’s personality traits and daily lives to shape who they are, but what do your decisions in this EA game say about you? Take the quiz below to find out!
 
1.  How much time do you spend editing the physical appearance of your Sim?
A.   Not for too long! Sometimes I randomize the Sim :)

Sure, Ariana Grande May Appreciate Japan, But Does She Actually Collect Late Edo Period Antique Barbecues?

Some enjoy learning about Japan through travel, and others prefer to appreciate from afar through the likes of anime and j-pop. However, only the most enlightened pursue the noble path of attaining Japaneseness by owning a Late Edo Period Antique Tabletop Charcoal Grill Shichirin (5.7” diameter). Imagine my surprise, then, when Ariana Grande-san came out as one of us!

Help: The Only Bandersnatch Ending I Can Get Is the One where Stefan Looks Straight into the Camera and Tells Me He’s Gonna Fuck My Mom

Stefan

Look, Black Mirror’s new “Bandersnatch” release has been all anyone’s been talking about nowadays. But there must be something wrong with my Netflix account, because every time I play it I get the same ending: Stefan suddenly turns from his computer and looks me dead in the eyes before saying “I’m gonna fuck your mum.” 

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