This past week, Harvard University Dining Services’ (HUDS) first ever Sex Week workshop was met with a wave of gratitude from students and professors alike. The workshop, fittingly titled “Ladies, Mind Your Melons; Boys, Preserve Your Plantains”, employed foods commonly found in Harvard dining halls to educate individuals about their sexual health.

The introduction of new color-coded food into several dining halls as part of a senior thesis project investigating whether colors make people eat stuff has drawn criticism from a wide range of students. Chief among the concerns voiced is the number of colors used in the experiment, which has quickly exceeded two dozen and threatens to surpass the chromatic sensibilities of all but the most hardened VES concentrators.

Harvard University Dining Services (HUDS) today introduced much-needed transparency to its cereal naming process, unveiling a revolutionary new methodology. The new HUDS Head of Marketing and Strategy announced that they would soon start naming their cereals after alumni who donated generously to the university. Starting next week, students can, for instance, rely on a bowl of Kenneth Griffin Bran Flakes to get them through their 3am problem set sessions.