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HUDS Inaugural Sex Week Workshop A Hit

This past week, Harvard University Dining Services’ (HUDS) first ever Sex Week workshop was met with a wave of gratitude from students and professors alike. The workshop, fittingly titled “Ladies, Mind Your Melons; Boys, Preserve Your Plantains”, employed foods commonly found in Harvard dining halls to educate individuals about their sexual health.

The 90-minute seminar featured demonstrations from HUDS staff members including Gerardo Montaro, Assistant Manager of Dining Operations in Kirkland House. Gerardo, or “G-Spot” as he insisted on calling himself during the workshop, thrilled students with his enthusiastic condom demonstration.

“We have so many bananas left over after Brain Break each morning,” Montaro explained, slowly peeling one before inserting it into his mouth, “we thought it would be an efficient use of the surplus.”

Ana Rodriguez, the famed Quincy DHall swiper who won the lottery just weeks ago, returned from her tour of the Mediterranean Sea to lead the female orgasm portion of the workshop. Using a half eaten cantaloupe as a model, she enlightened those in attendance on the art of the female climax.

“It was a pleasure to be a part of this historic event,” Rodriguez confessed, finishing the half eaten cantaloupe that had served as her prop minutes before. “While my newfound wealth has led me to bigger and better things, I still care deeply about the sexual health of the students and staff I used to serve.”

Due to the overwhelming positive response, HUDS expects to host multiple workshops next year. David P. Davidson, Managing Director for HUDS since 2011, says that students haven’t been this happy with HUDS since Tomato Basil Ravioli soup became a weekly offering last fall.

“I think we’ll start putting sexual health reminders next to all of the new food cards in the serveries,” Davidson said while seductively lapping up a bowl of TomBasRav. “That’ll really get ‘em going.”

© 2014