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HUDS Offers Cereal Naming Rights to Donors

A healthy, delicious bowl of one of HUDS' re-branded cereals

Harvard University Dining Services (HUDS) today introduced much-needed transparency to its cereal naming process, unveiling a revolutionary new methodology. The new HUDS Head of Marketing and Strategy announced that they would soon start naming their cereals after alumni who donated generously to the university. Starting next week, students can, for instance, rely on a bowl of Kenneth Griffin Bran Flakes to get them through their 3am problem set sessions.

 Students seemed generally receptive to the idea, with Dorothy Kim ’15 telling Satire V, “I think it is a great way to reward our wonderful alums for their generosity! Plus, Zuckerberg Zings sounds a lot more appetising, and only a little more contrived, than the current Apple Zings.” A small number of alumni however, were frustrated that they were ineligible to have cereals named after them. For example, Louise Hyman ‘89, now chief political strategist for John Boehner, was disappointed to learn that HUDS was unwilling to change the name of Cinnamon Toast Crunch to Hyman Crunch despite her sizable donation.

 The one issue students have raised with the new naming system is that the names of the cereals no longer correspond at all to their taste and ingredients. As Erik Johansson ‘17 put it, “I just don’t quite know what to expect with Benazir Bhutto Memorial Mateys.”

© 2014