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36 Questions That Will Lead to Love

by the Harvard Advocate
 

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, which Frankfurt School critical theorist would you want as a dinner guest?

5. When did you last recite a John Ashbery poem to yourself? To someone else?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will be consumed by the oblivion?

8. Name three things that you and your partner appear to have in common besides thick Warby Parker glasses and the tendency to over use the word “discourse.”

7 Amazing Lifehacks for When the Only Woman You’ve Ever Loved Leaves You for Terry

1) Start dating again! There are plenty of fish in the sea, and all you need to do is…all you need to do…is…

2) Look, Terry isn’t anything special. He doesn’t know how to make pecan pie that special way she likes it. He certainly doesn’t know how to DVR Property Brothers so she can watch it when she gets home from work! Terry is just an average guy, and there’s no way the relationship will last.

Stat 110 Student Reassures Girlfriend Positive STD Result Likely Statistical Anomaly

CAMBRIDGE, MA--After a positive result on a pair of self-administered tests for an STD, Leverett junior Werther Madison was seen reassuring his girlfriend that despite these results, the probability that he cheated on her remains counterintuitively low. Madison, a student of the popular course Statistics 110: Introduction to Probability, sought to interpret these results using the same techniques he learned in Stat 110.
 

HUDS Gears Up For Annual Valentine's Day Hot Dog Shortage

Harvard University Dining Services is once again preparing for an anticipated increase in the demand for hot dogs on February 14. The annual phenomenon, occurring yearly on Valentine’s Day, generally sees the College’s various eateries go through nearly a ton of hot dogs, with Annenburg alone going through several thousand. Although the typical undergraduate seems to take only two at a time, there have been reports of students furtively carrying as many as four or five out of the dining halls.