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Harvard Fencing Team Suffers Piercing Defeat

CAMBRIDGE, MA — After a piercing defeat by Brown, the Harvard fencing team has been foiled once again in what has become a season a(bout) accepting defeat. Though the year started off with a decisive blow against Cornell, Harvard had no time to sabre the victory, quickly losing to Columbia, Duke, and Yale, making their aspirations for an Ivy Championship a feint hope. 

“We’re pretty piste off, honestly,” remarked team captain Kim Pale '17. “We took a good stab at it, but after all the work we put in we came out looking pretty lamé.”

Satire V38: Yale Will Beat Harvard

Alright, guys, I fucked up with the election. But you know what’s going to save my reputation? This Harvard-Yale bullshit. If I get this right, we can basically call it even, right?