UNITED STATES, EARTH – Following a denial to share information with the US Government, Apple CEO Tim Cook commented that “he really wasn’t ready to open up” about the company and country's relationship. “Nothing’s official yet, but if we were in a Facebook relationship - which we AREN’T - it would be ‘it’s complicated.’” A source close to the issue said that "they've been running in circles for a while; they aren't that great about talking about things, but there's a whole lot of texts."

CAMBRIDGE, MA – At 7 pm last Monday, Gov 1359: The Road to the White House opened its doors for the first time in four years to a crowd of more than 500 students. This class on the American political process, which meets for only three hours a week and includes a “campaign memo” assignment worth as much as the midterm, instantly became a hit with anyone looking for a “gem” this semester.

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Sam Seward ‘16, a Government concentrator in Quincy House, shocked the Harvard campus today when he announced that he has no political ambitions.

“Not even state senator,” said Seward, standing in front of a crowd of reporters and passers-by who caught wind of the announcement. “I just like political science. From a purely academic standpoint.”

Seward’s announcement amazed and confused onlookers. To some, though, it came as a pleasant surprise.

Cambridge, MA- Following the bomb threat by a Government 1368 student and the cheating scandal that required over seventy Government 1310 students to take a leave of absence, representatives from Harvard College have announced that all classes in the Government 1300 sequence will be canceled indefinitely.