NEW YORK -- Hoping to attract young supporters and gain substantial press coverage, the World Health Organization announced this morning that socialite Paris Hilton will replace Dr. Margaret Chan as the specialized agency's Director-General.

"Though we are deeply saddened by Dr. Chan's departure, we unanimously agree that the heiress, actress, singer, model, and designer that is Paris Hilton will warmly fill our eager holes."

United Nations Secretary-General Ban Ki-Moon told reporters during a press conference at the Manhattan-based headquarters. "She's even a New York Times Bestseller."

Added Moon, flamboyantly placing a delicate hand on his chest, "She also promised she would personally sign my limited first-edition copy of Confessions of an Heiress. That book is essentially a retelling of my own life story."
Shortly after the Secretary-General's opening remarks, a bootylicious Hilton graced the overhead screen from her Los Angeles home where later today she will film segments of the sequel to her 2003 top renting adult release, One Night in Paris. All proceeds will be donated to WHO.

She was already in costume.

"It will work. I am a marketing genius," cooed Paris as she fondled her French maid duster, inserting long black feathers into her nostrils. "I have always been an adept giver -- and taker -- to say the least."

Continued Hilton, now loosening her buttons, "And the climax scene will be shot somewhere in Africa. I want to start making that deep connection now with the country that most needs my help."

Despite Hilton's inherent ability to give, some remain uncertain of how Paris talents will translate as head of a charitable organization.

One of these is Richard Hardwood, a 42-year-old fan of Paris, who said that while one part of him greatly enjoyed her first video, the rest of him remained skeptic about WHO's appointment.

"Yes, I am aware that Ms. Hilton is an accomplished actress, author, and autobiographer. But I just need one last thing to blow my wad on that second video."

Perhaps the fact that Hilton holds an unparalleled human rights record will answer Mr. Hardwood's prayer.

In 2006 she was arrested and charged with a DUI, but ultimately came through by obeying the law of the land and serving her dutiful hours behind bars. All was accomplished with Hilton standing faithfully to human rights.

"Paris has WHO's -- and my -- approval," said Ban Ki-Moon at the end of the press conference, giving a cute little curtsy. The Secretary-General has also expressed interest in making a cameo in Night in Paris 2: Sloppy Seconds.