SatireV

Breaking

and entering

An Apology From Mongolia Men’s Conquering Nomads

We just want to affirm that images like these do not represent the conquering forces as a whole.
On behalf of all of us at Mongolia Men’s Team of Conquering Nomads, we sincerely apologize for the harm our words and actions have caused Eurasians everywhere, and especially our close friends on the Mamluk Team. Our unstoppable armies have been blessed with the opportunity to know all of the great states of Asia and Europe, receive their cities and farmland, and form with them alliances built upon the unbreakable foundation of fear and military force. In return, we hurt them with the things we did, in the form of wanton destruction and the murders of vast swaths of people throughout the land, and with the things we did not do, in the form of not caring about them or their lives in any way, and for that we are very sorry.
 
We want to affirm that the ruthless destruction of the tribes and nations of Eurasia does not reflect our view of the members of these states or of people in general. The relationship we have enjoyed with these societies to this day means the world to us, and we are deeply ashamed that it took a public revelation, a loss of trust, and damaged friendships for us to fully grasp the gravity of our conduct, for which each member of our unstoppable army takes full and equal responsibility. No human civilization, complete with bazaars and smithies, deserves to be treated in this manner; not our neighboring states, not the states that neighbor those states, not even the states that neighbor those states that neighbor our neighboring states. We apologize to them, and to all those who trusted us, supported us, and believed in us.
 
Please do not miscontrue our silence up to this point as a lack of remorse on our part. Out of respect for the Mamluk team, who was able to ultimately defeat our armies in the field of combat, we postponed the release of our public apology so as not to burden them with further distractions. Now that circumstances have risen that have caused the dissolution of our previously ever-growing empire, we feel it is appropriate and necessary to address the situation publicly. We accept responsibility for the mistakes and serious lapses in judgment that have led us here, and, in addition to watching our great continent-wide be ripped apart by petty squabbles over land, are shifting our focus toward the concrete actions we can take to address the fundamental issue of the unbreakable desire for the destruction of all who oppose us in our community.
 
When our current Khan took over rule in 1260, he sparked a massive culture change, one in which it is paramount to hold each other accountable for our actions. These conquerings, an inexcusable manifestation of wanton destruction and bloodlust on our part, persisted in spite of this culture change, and we must now hold ourselves accountable for them. Our khans have also taught us to be open in accepting our mistakes and to always focus on the next most important thing -- and the next most important thing for us now is to do everything we can to start rebuilding the trust and relationships we severed, while doing anything possible to help heal the pain we have caused the nation states of Europe and Asia, their communities, and communities everywhere.
 
To do so, we must first confront the issues of insatiable lust for land and influence within our own yurts, so that we can take up the call issued by the people of the Mamluk tribe to join them in combatting this sort of behavior. Starting with ourselves, all players on this team now commit our efforts to spur a cultural change that goes beyond the scope of our own team.
 
Over the course of the previous moons, we have been devoting our attention to this problem as our top priority, and our meetings as an army have yielded a few specific proposals to educate ourselves and to help others come to the same realizations that we reached without repeating our mistakes. We hope to guide conversation among the other conquering teams of the world about the murder of millions of civilians, and we ask for input from the community at large, openly welcoming and encouraging any and all constructive discussion of and collaboration with our efforts.
 
There are no excuses for our behavior, and all we can do now is take it upon ourselves to be an example of change for the better. Our apology comes from a place of optimism and a willingness to advance an agenda of not fucking murdering everyone that is in line with the relationships that we want to cultivate. We take responsibility for our actions, and we accept the consequences that come from them and now focus on what we can do to move forward. We wholeheartedly promise to do anything in our power to build a more respectful and harmonious set of states in Eurasia, and in the world at large.

© 2016
Category: