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Area Senior’s Life Back on Track after Realizing Thesis Can Be Crap

Man smiling at computer

On Tuesday, area senior Tyler Stark reportedly regained control of the burning dumpster fire that had until then been his life after coming to the realization that his thesis doesn’t actually need to be good. This revelation came as a pleasant surprise to sources close to Stark, who say he has spent recent months slaving away over the project.

95 Theses Nailed to Religion Department Office Ahead of Deadline

CAMBRIDGE, MA – Ahead of the senior thesis deadline, Comparative Study of Religion concentrators nailed 95 theses to the office of the Committee on the Study of Religion.
 
"The reception desk would have worked just fine," said a flustered Director of Undergraduate Studies Courtney Bickel Lamberth as she dislodged several theses from the office's door. "I don't understand how there are so many. We only have a dozen seniors!"
 

Top Thesis Titles of 2016

CAMBRIDGE, MA - With the deadline for Senior Theses drawing near, students across campus are scrambling to submit their tomes of wisdom in time. However, a thesis isn't complete without an appropriately engaging title to separate the culmination of your attempt at academia from the multitudes. Satire V has curated our favorite titles from this year's collection:

 

I'm Not Sayin' She's a Gold Digger: Economics and Gender in 1850s California

Snowed In: the Psychosocial Impact of Dandruff 

Blue Moon: Understanding Werewolf Emotions

Five Tips to Help You Reach Your Thesis Word Requirement

With the deadline for your thesis approaching quickly, here is some sound advice to help you make it through. This article should only take a few minutes to read, so you can get back to typing soon.  

 

1. Use the social life you have abandoned as source material.

Folklore and Myth Concentrator Excited to Begin Thesis on "The Female Orgasm"

Cambridge, MA- Folklore and Mythology concentrator Vince Willendorf has recently expressed excitement for senior year and beginning of his largest academic project to date.
 
"Folklore and Myth has just taught me so much. It's exciting to apply my learning to the modern myths of our day" said Willendorf. "Like El Chupacabra and the Yeti, the 'Female Orgasm" is a superstition still believed in some areas of the world."