and entering

disappointing your father

Pathetic Failure Proud of A-

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Area screwup Tiffany Park ’19 was reportedly seen smiling after demonstrating her utter worthlessness on her latest exam by receiving a 93. Park’s classmates were stunned by the complete fucking wretch’s ability to maintain a cheerful tone despite her inevitably bleak future.

Five Tips to Help You Reach Your Thesis Word Requirement

With the deadline for your thesis approaching quickly, here is some sound advice to help you make it through. This article should only take a few minutes to read, so you can get back to typing soon.  


1. Use the social life you have abandoned as source material.

CS Concentrator Rethinking Career Path After Enrolling in TDM Course

CAMBRIDGE, MA -– Harvard junior Chris Franklin is considering dropping his CS major, which he is four credits away from completing, in order to pursue acting after being accepted into TDM 110: Beginning Acting.

“When I showed up to the audition, I was sure I would get rejected. Everyone there was a theater major, or at least had a ton of experience, said Frankin. "I think I even saw a Hasty Pudding kid in line.”