SatireV

Breaking

and entering

revenge

Why Harvard

The following was initially delivered as a speech to the visiting students accepted to the class of 2020.

Welcome class of 2020,

It is such an honor and pleasure to have you all here, and I want to thank you for considering Harvard.  

Many of you are weighing the option of attending another school. While every college has something to offer, today I’d like to make the case that there is simply nothing like a Harvard education.

Meteor Actually Russian Space Dog Back for Revenge

According to footage leaked from an emergency meeting of the UN held in New York City this morning, the meteor that was reported to have hit Chelyabinsk, Russia was actually a space capsule piloted by Laika, a Russian dog launched into orbit aboard Sputnik 2 in 1954, in what the New York Times has called "the biggest attempted government cover-up since the accidental vaporization of North Dakota in 1974."