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“Fellas, Marriage is a Trap”: Little League Coach Offers Memorable Pregame Speech

POTTSTOWN, PA – An area Little League coach has captured widespread attention for a speech delivered to his players ahead of their regional semifinal debut.

“Hey, hey. Listen up guys. This is fun, right? Let go of the nerves. You’re gonna look back and realize these are the best days of your life. Trust me – it all goes downhill from here.”

2017 MLB Season Preview

Before the 2017 Major League Baseball season is in full swing, Satire V is here to break down the strengths and weaknesses of all the key teams:
 
Cleveland Indians
Strengths: Last year's American League champions have one of the best pitchers in baseball, Corey Kluber.
Weaknesses: They could be facing a lot of protests, as some liberal snowflakes find their mascot Chief Wahoo offensive, for some reason.
 
Chicago Cubs

Satire V38's MLB Preview

With the NFL season in the rearview mirror, the MLB season has finally begun! In anticipation of another great year of our national pastime, Satire V38 has targeted the strengths and weaknesses of some of the league's key teams:
 
Chicago Cubs
Strength: Depth at nearly every position.
Weakness: History of debilitating heartbreak.
 
New York Mets

Satire V's MLB Preview

New York Yankees
The Bronx Bombers, coming off an unsuccessful season, are hoping to compete for a playoff spot this year. Although GM Brian Cashman calls it "cost effective," some scouts are doubtful that the team's decision to replace Derek Jeter with a pile of cash will pan out. 

San Francisco Giants
The Giants will probably be in the World Series again, but for some reason you will forget about them.

Gov Concentrators Can’t Follow Baseball After Pace Quickens

In an effort to speed up the notoriously slow pace of the game, Major League Baseball recently announced some changes to its pace of play rules, such as mandating that batters keep at least one foot in the batter’s box, timing pitching changes, a quickly returning to play after TV commercials. MLB hopes this will alleviate its increasing average game length in order to attract and retain more viewers. 

Satire V38: How Unexpected Was the Giants’ World Series Championship after Winning Game 7 of the World Series?

As Major League Baseball hands out its individual awards, we are reminded of the emotional rollercoaster that was the 2014 MLB season. Not many expected the San Francisco Giants to capture baseball’s ultimate title, as they were the lowest seeded team in the National League playoffs. However, just how unexpected was the Giants’ run to World Series glory? A study by the Satire V Statistics Bureau found that approximately 100% of teams who win Game 7 of the World Series go on to capture that year’s World Series Championship.

Mike Napoli’s Beard Called for Obstruction

BOSTON, MA- In a controversial play that decided Game Six of the 2013 World Series, Red Sox first baseman Mike Napoli’s beard was called for obstruction. With the bases loaded in the top of the ninth, Cardinals left fielder Matt Holliday visibly shied away from Napoli’s gargantuan beard. First base umpire Jim Joyce signaled an obstruction call, allowing all runners to advance and the Cardinals to score what would become the winning run.

It's Not Too Early To Be Pessimistic About The Red Sox