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Class of 2019: By The Numbers, A Month Later

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- A month ago, the Crimson’s released “Class of 2019: By the Numbers.” The start of freshman year can be a turbulent time, so SatireV polled the freshman class once more to see what has changed since opening days.

Class Makeup and Admissions 

Faust Attends Stat 104 Office Hours for Help with Sexual Climate Survey Results

 
Saying that she was "deeply disturbed" by the results of a sexual conduct climate survey administered by the Association of American Universities last spring, Harvard President Drew Gilpin Faust reportedly visited Statistics 104 office hours this past weekend for guidance. 
 

Flyby Reporter Getting Great Details For Final Club Survey

Mark “The Scoop” Sabbert, Flyby’s premier inside man, is two drinks away from getting some great details for the Crimson’s Flyby Final Club survey.   Holding a bottle of Bombay Sapphire in his left hand, Sabbert struggles to open his notepad as he interviews a member of the Owl club.

“Oh god, I, I don’t, I don’t even know which club this is.  Hello?  Is this the SPEE?  SPEE CLUB?  No?  Oh.  Can I, CAN I ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS? HELLO?”

Freshman Survey Part V

Upon receiving an anonymous tip, Satire V staff donned cutting-edge disguise technology to infiltrate the Crimson and find the real scoop. The Crimson does not wish you to see this information, but we at Satire V believe in freedom of information. These are the freshmen. These are their stories.

SEXUALITY: