Dear Harvard Community, 

We write to you today to address a dark truth that has skulked in the shadows of our fine red-brick campus for quite some time now. An elephant in the room, if you will, that we believe we must acknowledge, for fear of appearing oblivious or obtuse to the obvious state of reality. We, The Crimson, are not that great. And we’re sorry.

Dear whatever,

Thank you so much for taking the time and energy to apply to The Signet. We are so sorry to inform you that unfortunately, you are not a real artist. We sincerely hope that you do not take this as an invalidation of your worth as a person, just of your worth as a creative person. It has been a privilege getting to meet you—through your four-paragraph statement, that one time you came to a fancy lunch, and your “art.”