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Dean Dingman Seen Selling Suspiciously Brown Snow Cones

Cambridge, MA—Officials from the municipal health department were described as “greatly disturbed” following several reports of Harvard University’s Dean of Freshmen, Thomas A. Dingman, selling what looked to be brown slush in upside-down party hats clearly labeled “Happy New Year 1987!” outside of Crema Café in Brattle Square.

“Hey, kiddies, want some snow cones? They’re chocolate-flavored!” Mr. Dingman ’67, visibly intoxicated and wearing a sweat-stained t-shirt saying “Dean of Phresh” in hot-pink lettering, was heard to shout at tourists, students, and homeless people alike.