So, I’ve heard a lot about your problems with these final clubs, single-gender organizations, and whatnot. Well, boy do I have something to say to you: you wouldn’t be having any of these single gender organization problems if you were all rotifers like me. 

Yes, rotifers. I never have to worry about these issues, as my parthenogenic relatives and I self-propagate in peace in our lakes. Yes, the Bdelloid way is the best way. My many, many identical lophotrocozoate larvae and I live in perfect, agendered harmony.

For the past two years in SigmaDeltaBetathanyou, I’ve seriously met some of the most compassionate and accepting people at Harvard. This community just screams inclusivity and empowerment, and it is simply outrageous that the administration has decided to group my organization with all of the icky exclusive organizations that rejected me.