So, I’ve heard a lot about your problems with these final clubs, single-gender organizations, and whatnot. Well, boy do I have something to say to you: you wouldn’t be having any of these single gender organization problems if you were all rotifers like me. 

Yes, rotifers. I never have to worry about these issues, as my parthenogenic relatives and I self-propagate in peace in our lakes. Yes, the Bdelloid way is the best way. My many, many identical lophotrocozoate larvae and I live in perfect, agendered harmony.

Just think of how much more efficiently you could all be filtering prey from the vast, aqueous environment we all live in if you didn’t have to worry about these sex problems. Final clubs, sororities, and the like are all worries that my many identical offspring and I never face. Instead, we can fully devote ourselves to our life goal of endlessly spinning our oral coronas in search of food. Who needs the corporeal pleasure of reproductive encounter when one can just spawn infinite clones and revel in the equally ecstatic sensation of food passing through our complete alimentary canals?

In fact, there is no group more inclusive, more accepting than the phylum rotifera. As long as you are a pseudoceolemate, invertebrate Spiralian with a ciliated, sequentially moving corona, around your oral opening, eutelic development, the ability to survive indefinitely under a state of anhydrobiosis, and have a foot and a cloaca, you’re more than welcome to join the oldest taxon of fully, truly multi-generational asexual eumetazoans.

Don’t be spine-ful! Ditch gender and come be a rotiferan. And to turn, turn, will be our delight, and till by turning, turning, we come round right.