I thought I was safe when it had been about 30 minutes since the start of class and no one had sat on me yet. Finally, I was going to get a brief respite from my eternal torment of being an official Harvard University ass-cushion. Then I saw you, you cheeky little fucker. 

After forty years of half-hearted texts and occasional birthday get-togethers, Science Center E has finally admitted that linking with Science Centers A-D has not been as good as he had originally hoped.

“I’m so happy that we’re only a staircase away from each other and all,” said E, “but it just feels like I never see them anymore.”

B was not surprised. “I knew that this would happen from the beginning. C was always the closest to him, but ever since she got Science and Cooking, she’s been pretty preoccupied. I guess the rest of us just kind of forgot about E.”