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Reading Period

Inspirational: Student Gets Through Entire Reading Period Without Reading

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CAMBRIDGE, MA — Area hero Alex E. Wilkins '20 has accomplished a remarkable feat: The Government concentrator managed to get through all of reading week without reading a single thing.

“There were a few times I came close to reading words,” said Wilkins, a legend in our midst. “On Wednesday, I absentmindedly picked up my Ec textbook. But my body reacted to the touch of an academic resource by immediately puking, alerting me to my mistake. It took me a good four episodes of The Office to calm down."

Student Spends 8-9 Hours Doing Literally Nothing

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- Shocking many and disturbing some, area student Jacob Prescott was seen spending eight to nine hours lying down and doing literally nothing. Indeed, after assuming his initial horizontal position and closing his eyelids, he proceeded not to move for a whopping eight hours and 40 minutes until his eyes opened again.