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President Obama

Nation Readies Itself for Presidential Election After Rough Dress Rehearsal

WASHINGTON -- After nearly two years of practice leading up to the final dress rehearsal, America performed well below expectations in its November 8th performance of Election Day.
 
President Barack Obama issued a statement in front of the country Wednesday morning in which he expressed his profound disappointment in the results and made suggestions to prepare for the real showing. 
 

Obstructionist, Far-Right Congressmen Announce Plans to Unite Party, Congress, Nation

WASHINGTON, DC-- In front of a throng of reporters today on Capitol Hill, a small group of obstructionist, far-right congressmen announced their plans to overcome partisan gridlock and national political disillusionment by working together to alienate the GOP, Congress, and the nation.
 
The press conference came after House Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-CA) withdrew from the race to replace House Speaker John Boehner (R-OH), who plans to resign at the end of October. 
 

Obama Regrets Making Sad Face in 2009

“You know, the one where I scrunch up my chin and look real sad?” said a graying and tired Obama. “One photo—whole presidency down the crapper.”

After five years of attack commercials, “Repeal Obamacare?” popup surveys, disparaging novelty mugs, “Republicans hate him” sidebar ads, pessimistic Washington Post story photos, Rage Face memes, and yard signs, President Barack Obama admits he deeply regrets making that frown in a press conference on March 7th, 2009.