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Area 26-Year-Old Somehow Still Convinced She’s Going to Get Really Hot Next Year

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BOSTON, MASS.—Reports surfaced on Monday that Tara E. Weston, a local 26-year-old, is somehow still convinced that she is going to get really hot next year.

"I just have this sense that next year is going to be my year," said Weston—who said that last year, and the year before that, and the year before that—over boozy brunch with Megan L. Patterson, her token attractive friend. “I mean, I could totally be the Neville Longbottom of the muggle world, right?”