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Club of Wealthy, White Men Comes Out in Support of Status Quo

CAMBRIDGE, MA -- In a shocking move, the Porcellian Club broke several centuries of silence to come out in support of the status quo. Graduate Board president Charles M. Storey wrote in an email that present circumstances drove him to make this statement. “This is the first time an officer of the PC has granted an on the record statement to a newspaper since our founding in 1791. We would, ideally, like to return to that time and its social norms.”