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New CDC Study Finds that Coronavirus Steals Your Identity, Seduces Your Wife, then Frames You for Murder

A leather-jacketed coronavirus stands with your wife.

Chicago, IL – There continue to be new developments regarding the highly infectious novel virus, COVID-19. At first, it was said to be transmitted through person-to-person contact. Then it was found that coronavirus can survive on surfaces for several days. A Harvard study then concluded that the disease can cause patients to lose their sense of smell and taste. It was later reported that coronavirus can travel 13 feet in the air – twice as far as the social distancing guidelines – and even transmit through shoes.