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Katie Lapp Trapped Under Pile of Ec1017 Bluebooks

Lapp, drowning in essays arguing that a rising tide lifts all boats.

CAMBRIDGE, MA – According to a recent email sent out to the students, faculty, and staff of Harvard University, Executive Vice President Katie Lapp is currently trapped under a pile of Ec1017 Bluebooks.

“Dear members of the Harvard community,” Lapp wrote, “While gazing upon the impeccable architecture of the Littauer Center, I suddenly found myself engulfed by roughly 1,800 barely-used bluebooks. Before I knew what was happening, they swallowed me whole. I felt like Harry Potter, except rather than a feeling of light-hearted excitement in being surrounded by so many identical letters, I was overcome by the sense that I was about to slowly drown in a papery, sky-blue sea, and soon began to realize that I would likely run out of breath before I could claw my way out of the mountain of notebooks.”

Lapp managed to send an email from her phone right before being surrounded by 600 students' uninformed musings on libertarian gun policy. “The bluebooks appear to have fallen out of the hands of Libertarian Economics TF Tom Dan,” Lapp writes. “He was on his way to incinerate the books and curve every student in the class up to a 90% when he tripped on a small pile of Greg Mankiw’s cash and the bluebooks went airborne, traveling 23 feet in the air before landing squarely on my head. We will continue to closely monitor the situation. Updates will also be posted to the Harvard Emergency page and 866-496-NEWS.” 

Lapp, who supervises the financial, administrative, human resources, campus services, planning and project management, development in Allston, health services, information technology, and diversity functions of the University, repeatedly called out for help to economics faculty members in the area, but, after performing intense cost-benefit analyses of rescuing Lapp vs going about their day, it appears no staff member felt compelled to help the administrator. 

© 2016