Eliot HUDS Swiper Hired as Fly Bouncer

MY DOMAIN, MY CASTLE. I AM THE DOOR.

CAMBRIDGE, MA — The former HUDS Swiper for Eliot house, Maria L. Winston, has just been hired as the new bouncer for the Fly club. Winston, age 43, has been the Eliot house swiper for the past seven years. She described the decision to leave and move to the Fly as “initially difficult, although I’m excited for the opportunity to exclude all sorts of new people."

Winston described how swiping was so boring until she got the opportunity to exclude others. “What’s the point of sitting there swiping a card over and over and over if I can’t get to exclude people? Interhouse restrictions were a big step in the right direction,” she commented. Interhouse restrictions were originally introduced to build community at the college through the practice of excluding others.

“There’s this immense sense of power I get when I tell people they have to go away: the look of pain, sadness, not understanding why they can’t eat in my dining hall when they pay for an ‘unlimited’ meal plan that includes any of the 12 Harvard houses. The Fly simply allows me to take that a step further.” The Fly club is known as one of the most exclusive of the Harvard’s six all-male final clubs (the Fox and the Spee having recently recognized female members in the past year). They are infamous for only allowing female non-members into the house, contingent on them wearing sufficiently revealing clothing. “Bouncing for the Fly will really allow me to realize my full potential to exclude others and ‘build community’ in the process,” commented Winston. “No longer will I only be able to bounce freshman and non-eliot residents, or have to respect a +1 policy. Suddenly I can keep everyone out,” said Winston as a wide grin spread across her face.

“We made the decision to hire Winston after recognizing how good she was at her job,” outlined Taylor Kenworth-Price, president of the Fly. “Sometimes our old bouncer would let one or two people through when overwhelmed by crowds or if they came with friends, but we know Maria won’t let that happen.” According to Kenworth-Price, the Fly originally began searching for a new bouncer during the HUDS strike, when they realized that they “had a role to play in the social mobility of the lower class."

When asked if Winston would herself be allowed to enter the club, Kenworth-Price simply laughed.

Category:

Harvard

Tags:

Elliot