SatireV

Breaking

and entering

Ferguson

Nation Really Excited to Hear Ferguson's Next Excuse

Ferguson, MO - Following the recent news of the Department of Justice’s investigation into Ferguson’s police department, polls indicate that most Americans are really looking forward to hearing Ferguson’s new excuse for why it isn’t racist.

Congressman Proposes Series of "Grand Jury Tweaks"

Congress is set up to vote on a proposal addressing grand jury reform that, according to Congressman James Beam (R-OH), is "a series of quick, easy fixes for a justice system that clearly isn't broken." 

"I know that people have had a lot of things to say about our grand juries recently, but I assure you that our American justice system is as dependable and strong as our American cars," he went on. "You just need to make a couple of quick tweaks, fix the scratches, and unquestioningly arrest the first guy who looks like he might have keyed your car."