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Nation Really Excited to Hear Ferguson's Next Excuse

"When you ignore the intimating, fully-armed policeman standing next to me, you'll see that our Police Department is not a force, but rather a community."

Ferguson, MO - Following the recent news of the Department of Justice’s investigation into Ferguson’s police department, polls indicate that most Americans are really looking forward to hearing Ferguson’s new excuse for why it isn’t racist.

“I found it very impressive how they dealt with Officer Darren Wilson’s shooting of Mike Brown,” Cambridge-area resident Douglas Pace said. “The Ferguson Police Department’s obfuscation of the facts and blatant attempts to conceal police brutality against blacks were exemplary. I wasn’t sure how they were ever going to top that, but well, now I'm really looking forward to seeing how they wriggle out of this one."

Mayor James Knowles has also addressed the report’s claims by publicly reassuring the nation that Ferguson will take “immediate action” to change its current strategy of denying any sort of racial prejudice within the city’s justice system. “We know what the public expects,” Mayor Knowles said during a press conference. “And we fully intend to deliver a new, even more flimsy excuse as to why the DOJ’s report doesn’t mean Ferguson police are racist.”

At press time, the Police Department had not yet released an excuse, expressing its gratitude to American society for not even holding it to one.

© 2015