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Vote ‘NO’ For UC President

By the Satire V Editorial Board

Although it may seem to the casual observer that there has been a lot of voting going on lately, it turns out that we haven’t had quite enough. Even after the midterms, and HoCo elections, and the last season of American Idol, which is apparently still going on, the UC election provides one more chance to make your voice heard, even though someone already won. This is why we strongly encourage you to vote ‘NO’ for UC President.

Iowans Regain Eyesight After National Spotlight Shifts

DES MOINES, IA- Full recovery is expected for Iowans blinded by the national spotlight last week.

“At first, it was really scary,” reports Ed Johnson, one of those momentarily rendered sightless, “I couldn’t find my corn. I couldn’t find my truck. I couldn’t find my wife.”

“And so I was like, where’s my wife?” he adds, shivering, “but nobody responded. Most likely she was outside.” 

GMO Labeling Referendum Voted Down by Sentient Corn Harvest

Willamette Valley, OR—After weeks of fiery rhetoric on both sides of the issue bombarded the state's 3.9 million residents, Oregon’s GMO labeling referendum ultimately faltered at the polls. Initial disbelief at the numbers—442,456 in favor to 9,723,481,122 against—quickly turned into resentful acceptance after realizations that the entire MON 832 corn crop voted against the measure.