Peyton Connors, a fifty-seven year old farmer from just outside of Rochester Township, has been sentenced to twenty years in prison in an Indiana state court after prematurely picking an ear of corn from one of his small fields.

“Well I’ll be darned,” said Connors following his conviction Monday afternoon, as he was led handcuffed from the courtroom through screaming crowds of both pro-choice and pro-life corn activists.   

Willamette Valley, OR—After weeks of fiery rhetoric on both sides of the issue bombarded the state's 3.9 million residents, Oregon’s GMO labeling referendum ultimately faltered at the polls. Initial disbelief at the numbers—442,456 in favor to 9,723,481,122 against—quickly turned into resentful acceptance after realizations that the entire MON 832 corn crop voted against the measure.

CREVE-COUER, MO – Corn-lovers of America, get ready: Monsanto’s latest hybrid seed development will have you salivating.

The biotechnology company, which is responsible for 4,000 distinct seed varieties, last Tuesday unveiled its latest, a “soft-pore corn” which is expected to be available to farmers by the 2013 growing season. “We hope that diners will enjoy the cob’s delicate kernels, which burst easily to release sweet juices into the mouth,” said the company in an official statement.