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all emojis all the time

Area Woman Can Only Find Validation in iPhone's Hand Emojis

emoji hands

AT THE INTERSECTION OF TECHNOLOGY AND LOW SELF-ESTEEM – Speaking to reporters while texting herself little thumbs-ups, local woman Jane S. Etter confirmed on Monday that she only finds validation in the hand section of her iPhone’s emoji keyboard.

“I used to turn to people for affirmation,” said Etter. “But people disappoint. Friends spell your name wrong, boyfriends break up with you, and professors tell you that your midterm paper is so uninspired that it would have been better if you’d just done some light plagiarizing.”