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From the Satire V Archive: Unwelcome Children Mysteriously Disappear from Vladimir Putin’s Primary School

Young Vladimir Putin was renowned for his network of second-grade informants, who were all known by the code name "Natasha."

While perusing its archives, Satire V found the following article in a 1960 edition of the Soviet newspaper Pravda.

On February 27, 1960, children in a Leningrad playground were shocked and horrified when their playmate, Boris Nazarov, disappeared in the middle of the jungle gym.

“One minute he was sliding down the communal slide, and the next minute a grown-up came between us and carried him away,” said his playmate, Anna Dimitriyev, sobbing into her babushka.

Earlier in the day, Nazarov had announced to his friends in Alexander Fadeyev Primary School that he had compiled a coloring book filled with information about several instances of bullying by his erstwhile friend, Vladimir Putin. In one of the events allegedly narrated among the crayon drawings of Josef Stalin and Nikita Khrushchev, Nazarov had provided overwhelming evidence that Putin had grabbed a Ukrainian student’s arms and made him slap himself with his own hands, shouting, “Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!” Another time, he had stolen the same Ukrainian student’s clothes while he was showering after gym class. The child didn’t have any clothes to wear until the next ration was distributed.

Nazarov’s disappearance is one of a series of mysterious occurrences at Fadeyev Primary involving Putin’s enemies. Just one month earlier, Anna Loginovsky got a nosebleed in the middle of math test and was sent to the nurse’s office. She was never seen again. 

When asked about Nazarov, little Vladimir shrugged and said, “I dunno,” before passing a pile of rubles to a tall man in the corner of the playground.

© 2015