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Wokenosity

Non-Woke Portion of Nation Just Wants 50 More Years to Snooze on Every Issue

UNITED STATES -- The segment of the nation that has yet to become woke has requested 50 more years of dormancy. Reporters are told that after being repeatedly prodded to take a closer look at race relations, transgender rights, and poverty, for instance, the non-woke simply mumbled something about colorblindness and went back to sleep. Upon further nudging, the non-woke batted its offenders away, saying, “Just—just 26.3 million more minutes, okay? I set an alarm,” and a peaceful smile returned to its face as it slept.