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Things Leonardo DiCaprio Hasn't Won

Leonardo DiCaprio seethes after losing the Nobel Prize in Chemistry to Paul Modrich, who, let's face it, is more of a biochemist anyway.

With last night's win for his performance in The Revenant, Leonardo DiCaprio has finally taken home an Academy Award for Best Actor after four nominations. However, there are still plenty of things that Leo hasn't won, and we at Satire V have now compiled the definitive list:

The Powerball
A Nike sponsorship
One of those cereal box sweepstakes
The New Yorker's caption contest
Friendship with bears
An Olympic gold medal in swimming
Daisy Buchanan
The first Google hint after you type in "Leonardo"
A UC election (presidential or house rep)
Custody over the kids from Inception
The Nobel Prize in Chemistry
Most Improved in the East High School Senior Choir
Two Oscars
US News and World Report's Best American College (though as everyone knows, that hasn't been a legitimate ranking since 2013)
A game of Monopoly (though we're not sure if anyone's ever won that)
Our hearts
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