NEW HAVEN, CT -- After the Yale College Republicans endorsed GOP nominee Donald Trump for President today, Satire V obtained an exclusive list of other things the Yale Republicans endorse. Here is just a small sample from that list:

• Recording videos with iPads at concerts
• Pigeons
• Keeping the plastic cover on furniture
• Racism (apparently)
• The "Unfortunate Incident" in Armenia
• Safe spaces (from Mexicans)
• Eating pizza with a knife and fork
• Unpaid internships "for the exposure"
• Açaí berries
• Blackberries
• Blackberries (the phones)
• Watering down salad dressing when it's almost empty
• Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
• Dunkin Donuts' new small-batch cold brew
• Segway tours in popular tourist locations
• Slow walkers
• The White Walkers
• The Hobbit trilogy
• The Great Pacific garbage patch
• Dyson airblades
• Mean Girls 2
• Swai
• Yale