and entering

Desperate Exchange Student Attempts, Fails to Tell Host Family About Parasite

This might be the parasite threatening Maria. I don't know, I'm not a scientist.

        Tampa, FLMaria Bortsova, a visiting student at the University of South Florida’s College of Communications, was unsuccessful in her attempt during dinner last Friday to tell her host family about the organism that is currently feasting on her large intestine.

        As Jeanne Wilton, the family’s matriarch, prepared to serve her a slice of key lime pie, Bortsova cleared her throat and began a speech she had prepared using Google’s translation software. “I have something in me,” she began, shocking the conservative couple. “I think because we go on trip to Everglades, me boyfriend, before I come here to school.” “Something small get inside me somehow” she explained, flexing her index finger like a worm to demonstrate. “When it get in me, it arrive at making the egg” Bortsova elaborated, ignoring the embarrassed blushes of her host family.

        “That months ago. Then growing bump on stomach, I no pay attention but it grow,” said a tearful but determined Bortsova. At this point, comprehension seemed to dawn on the Wilton’s faces. “Now it moving in me. Is very hungry, it eating more and more all the time!” Bortsova sobbed, as she stared at the inexplicable smiles appearing on the Wilton’s faces. “I afraid it come out soon. I don’t want to see it!” she whispered darkly, shuddering and clutching her stomach while eyeing her doting host parents.

        After a silence, Mrs. Wilton patted Bortsova on the shoulder and attempted to console her, explaining that "these are challenges that every woman has to deal with," and that "after the first one it’s always easier."

        A confused Bortsova vehemently shook her head, racking her mind for the one word that would convey how dire her situation truly was. “ITS PARATISE! I HAVE A PARATISE IN ME!” At this, her host mother chuckled softly and patted her shoulder again. “That’s a beautiful way of putting it Maria. Paradise indeed!”


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